 We couldn't have said this better, so this is a re-post from author and humorist, Jan Marshall. Currently silly statements proclaim that 80 is the new 60 which becomes the new 30 and so on, thus changing every number we have known from the beginning of time to a different value. Then comics and others poke fun at us for being forgetful. Then many familiar titles of products and their purpose is exchanged for a strange, newer one. For example: in the past when we referred to an eye pad it was for a pink eye. Now, it means something altogether wonderful and brilliant, the iPad® device which I would not put away under penalty of law unless Sean Connery asked me to lay it down for him. Obviously terminology has changed as to cause brain fog in any intelligent, vital person. Plus we’ve heard said that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. This in fact does not prove it is because we are discreet but rather that we go blank for what happened or whom we ended up with because all words, and names have been revised. Will the real Puff Daddy, Sean Combs, Diddy, P.Diddy, Snoop Dog, Snoop Lion, Fast Eddie, oh wait that’s my ex; stop playing the name game. There is Ice Tea and Lady Gaga and 30 cents-he used to be 50 cents but in this economy… and a bunch of less talented dolts who make up ridiculous names and grab their crotches a lot. We were more mature sophisticated folks in the old days when our groups were called Motley Crue, Grateful Dead and Alice Cooper, such a nice girls name, to mention a few. Whadda ya gonna do with kids today!!!!! Some professionals have changed their business names and some times we forget whom to ask for when calling our own kids. What are they going with these days? What means shall we we use to contact with them? Is it their cell phone, land line or Dick Tracy wrist phone? Should we use their texting name or prison or twitter handle? At one time if we described as being with it that meant we were enthusiastic and knowledgeable. Now when we want to express our joy to you, we are supposed to claim, “I am down” (which used to be filler for my blankie) according to the new jargon. You all changed the rules and then you call us old mindless geezers. Knock it off. Yes we are graying but we are also giggling and gyrating in this age of googling®. Get clear on this here and now. We are not your father’s Oldsmobile® or your old time grandparents either. Most of us are computer or at least smart phone literate although the virtual secretary Siri in our phone can be an idiot at times. On the other hand she does remind us to soak our teeth or anything that aches. Rather than a matchmaker or archaic courting customs from the last century, we find dates on the Internet, though not always successfully. On one site, I requested a big fellow and one man arrived on stilts. We had a good relationship until I ended it because I kept getting splinters in my thighs. What you do not know and should wise up about is that most of us are simply in the second phase of life; these are the years 41-80*. Just like you are and we are hot. Usually hormone replacement therapy remedies that. We love to dance and jog and Zumba®. We enjoy going to the theatre and movies. We practice yoga or Tai Chi, have learned to paint and sculpt, enjoy watching sports and appreciate fine dining. Those two don’t actually go together especially at the ballpark. And no more pancakes, or early bird dates. How about meeting us instead at a restaurant serving true international cuisine with fine wine, imported beer and soft jazz wafting in the background? Let’s play tennis, go skiing or meet on the racket ball court. Believe it or not, some of us can still do it, though, perhaps not as vigorously as you. And we now have our chiropractor on speed dial just in case you are injured. Take a foreign language or cooking class with us. Talk with us as if we were peers, (to a degree). FYI: To us friends with benefits means someone who adds us to their insurance policy. Though the other still has its place as part of the full menu. We like to learn new things and we attend classes or pursue cutting edge activities that we may not have had time for when raising our families. You do not know everything about us. Don’t wait too long. We want to know you better, too. You may be surprised and impressed with what we have endured and survived to get to this place before ending up as your loving relatives, friends, and neighbors. Why don’t you ask? Furthermore and thankfully, science produced those little blue pills that have energized some of us and birth control has relieved anxiety so our grandkids do not end up being embarrassed by having tiny aunts and uncles who are in diapers. We now appreciate the slow, thoughtful acts of love. Yes…we still do it, though chandeliers no longer have the appeal they once did. We are news junkies and keep up on most world events and are willing to listen to what you young’uns have to say, usually. The point here is we don’t simply need your obligatory holiday visit where you are texting from entry to exit. You do not have to bring us flowers or a tie as your duty. We certainly do not need any more crap cluttering our lives. But your attention would be appreciated. Let us have revealing conversations as you would with other humans. Teach us something new and we will do the same for you. There is so much of our history that might intrigue you and certainly the reverse is true. We probably have been through and survived much of what you are going through. Maybe we can give you a solution and maybe not. We have no ego involved in whether you follow our advice or ignore it. When we suggest you might want to avoid the pothole on the next street, or other cautionary tales, it is up to you whether to do that or not. It is your life. We simply want to share it more thoughtfully. Can you stop with ageist labels already? You can call us seasoned citizens if you wish or granny or pa or nana or by our own names if that is agreed upon. It does not matter what you call us; just call us. Lets get down, dude! PS. Birthday numbers are meaningless especially in this digital age. Cheese ages. We in fact evolve and are still booming and blooming. There are plenty of terms like infants, tweens, teens, adults, and enough titles to wear out a label maker. Lets mobilize to have the law changed to stop counting the years and change it to just another phase we are going through, okay! THE FORMULA *Phase 1: YEARS 1-40 Phase 2: YEARS 41-80 (Yay! I’m in same phase as my kids and Sophia Loren) *Phase 3: YEARS 81-120 Thereafter, you deserve to call it anything you wish. THE END
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 Something has shifted with my dad. Maybe it’s the change in medication or perhaps he’s just gotten used to his “new normal” and accepted the vascular dementia and his declining health. Whatever the reason, the shift is good. He and I both look forward to our Wednesdays together. It’s a routine our family established almost two years ago, after dad had a stroke, to give my parents a break from each other for the day. The demands of full-time care-giving and loss of independence has been an adjustment for all of us. And now, dad is more expressive about it.
The Shift that I’m referring to is most obvious in our communication. Dad is chattier now and initiating conversation, to the point of sharing secrets. Since the dementia affects random parts of his short-term memory, most of our time is spent reminiscing. Two weeks ago, he surprised me by telling the stories I had not heard, the stories that parents have from their teenage years that they don’t generally share with their kids. Just as he was getting to the good part, my mom walked in. He turned to me and quietly said, “to be continued…”. I must admit I was disappointed because he might not remember the story the following week. I was delighted when he did. The following week, I prompted him about the previous conversation and he picked up where we left off. Then he asked to hear my stories. What story do I tell? He’s known me my entire life and since I’m a “rule-follower”, I don’t have anything interesting to offer back. Not true. The reality is, most of us don’t really know each other. We spend the majority of our time being busy in the midst of each other’s presence but how often do we really share what we’re thinking and feeling? It’s different with a senior. Seniors, in general, have much more time on their hands, they genuinely enjoy sharing stories (and perhaps secrets!), and they did not grow up in an electronic society where information moves so quickly. They are less concerned about “doing” and more focused on “being”. Slowing down and spending a few hours with an elderly person will, in most cases, be a rich blessing to you both. Spending time with them on a regular basis will change your life in positive ways you can’t yet understand. How Important is it for us to raise our kids to embrace the elderly? To show love to that which is often considered by society as unlovely. Love releases power, strength, support, ingenuity, collaboration, hope, compassion, life, mercy, devotion, goodness..the miracle power of love.  Recently, a friend of my mother's suggested she read The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace. When I heard about it, I was relieved to find a resource that would give insights into everyday living and interacting with a memory-impaired person. I was also thankful my local public library had a copy available. How we communicate with a memory-impaired person is so different from how we have been communicating for several years. Without understanding, it's easy to offend and be offended. This book thoroughly addresses the daily challenges of living with and caring for a person with Dementia, Alzheimers or other memory-impairment. Fortunately, I read it shortly after the diagnosis and am now able to enjoy time with my dad without becoming frustrated.
-Melissa The more I understand how everyday situations can potentially affect my memory-impaired father, the better prepared I am to minimize his confusion and respond well to him in his confusion. "The Complete Guide To Alzheimer's Proofing Your Home" by Mark L. Warner prepared me for this unexpected season of my life.  This book is an excellent resource with practical suggestions and listing of helpful items and where they can be purchased. Many suggestions do not require a purchase; they are simple changes, such as adjusting the air vents to not blow on the curtains, which may cause one to think there is someone hiding behind them. Or, adhering colored tape (painters tape) to the floor to direct a path to the bathroom. In this book, you will discover small ways to consider your loved one as they journey this path within themselves.
-Melissa 2/6/2015 Book Review - When a Family Member Has Dementia - Steps to Becoming a Resilient Caregiver by Susan McCurryRead Now While at the library looking for books about dementia, I came across a title that hit home, When a Family Member Has Dementia-Steps to Becoming A Resilient Caregiver by Susan McCurry. Unlike other books that focus on the memory-impaired person, this book focuses on the caregiver and begins with section one being titled, The Problem: Dementia Caregiving is Hard! The problem is addressed in section two, The Program: Learning the Dementia D.A.N.C.E. The author cleverly summarizes the new way of communicating with the metaphor of dancing and the easy-to-remember acronym. D= Don't Argue!, A=Accept the Disease, N=Nurture Yourself, C=Create Novel Solutions, E=Enjoy the Moment. The book concludes with section three, The Promise: You Can Do It! and caregiver resources. Now that I know "the dance", my family and I are not getting our toes stepped on as often as before.
-Melissa Ryan Strange? Unusual? Endearing? Fun? Most kids today tend to avoid people of an older generation. It's like a rule to think that adults are uncool. Well there is always an exception...  Ever few years my mothers birthday, November 27th, would always land on Thanksgiving Day. This is that year. Sadly for us, she passed away on October 12, 2014. The four of us kids were able to be present with her at the time of her passing, 6:15am on a Sunday morning. I spent the last week with her on the earth loving her. After having spent the previous 9 years caring for my mother, I had moved my mother back up to northern California to live close to her other 3 children. Chrislaine, my middle sister, had taken on the role of primary caregiver and my mother was now living in a nursing home down the street from her house.  Mom had been diagnosed with dementia at the age of 59. I was just 25 at the time and the reality of her imminent decline was surreal at first. She had been diagnosed with a brain tumor that was affecting her memory and emotions. A portion of the brain tumor was removed and the remaining portion,which was located in the brain stem region (too risky for the surgeon to operate on) was treated with radiation. One of the major side effects from the radiation was that it burned the fluid levels in her ears and she no longer had equilibrium and was now a fall risk. The realization that she was going to need regular support, someone to take care of her, was unimaginable at this stage in my life. I wanted her to hold off on needing help for at least another 15 years (thinking if she can wait til i’m old and in my 40’s - then I’ll be ready to care for her). I now consider someone in their 80’s to be young. I have also been able to realize that regardless of your age, whether you are a daughter, spouse, niece, grandson or neighbor taking care of an aging loved one is hard regardless of which role you play in their life. We decided that we are going to celebrate her again with lifetime family and friends from our growing up years. In honor of the beautiful Maud Grace Pamphile we will be having a party this Saturday evening, hosted at one of our neighbors homes who still lives across the street from our childhood home of 20+ years. Taking opportunities to remember all the goodness that she embodied with all of the good people she brought into our lives. We're gonna have fun celebrating and reminiscing and literaly strolling down memory lane.
 I have taken every October for the past 8 years to rest. I literally pair down my schedule to just the basics; turn off the TV for the month, cancel most social engagements, minimize work events, pare down my workout schedule, pull out the books that I never finish, find my crochet basket of half done creations and allow my body, mind and spirit time to rest, repair and regenerate. The juicer comes out, all processed food goes away and I focus on nourishing me for the next 30 days. This is my favorite time of the year, I like to call it the ‘calm before the storm’. Summer has ended, everyone is adjusting to their new schedules, it’s almost as if things get put back into place for a moment (I say 31 days) before we begin the frenzied pace of heading into the holiday season. My intention for the 31 days of October is to allow my body, mind and spirit opportunity to reset itself. My cleanse plan consists of eating raw foods, juicing, fasting (no food), and then reversing the cycle to taper my way back up to eating cooked foods. I incorporate a kidney, liver, gallbladder, lymphatic system, heavy metal and parasite herbal cleanse. This break from most all of my compulsions (food (processed & cooked variety), TV, internet, eating out, shopping) prepares me mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally to move gracefully into the holiday season rather than at a breakneck pace. I give myself permission to ‘be’ for 31 days. Each years month of rest gets better.
It takes much courage and surrender to choose to remain in peace and allow your mind, body and spirit to rest while in the midst of life’s storms. I was fortunate enough to spend my mother’s final week on earth with her. Since her passing on Oct 12, I have been struggling to find my rest. The revelation that I needed disengage from “caregiver mode” was the first step towards me sleeping through the night. Over the course of this next year I will be walking out my healing and exploring ways to rest in Gods love. REST is the conversation between what we love to do and how we love to be. Rest is not stasis but the essence of giving and receiving. Rest is an act of remembering, imaginatively and intellectually, but also physiologically and physically. To rest is to become present in a different way than through action, and especially to give up on the will as the prime motivator of endeavor, with its endless outward need to reward itself through established goals. To rest is to give up on worrying and fretting and the sense that there is something wrong with the world unless we put it right; to rest is to fall back, literally or figuratively from outer targets, not even to a sense of inner accomplishment or an imagined state of attained stillness, but to a different kind of meeting place, a living, breathing state of natural exchange… Excerpted from ‘REST' From the upcoming book of essays CONSOLATIONS: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words. ©2014 David Whyte To be Published in late November 2014
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