"Look at all the sugar in these cereals," the shrunken, 85-year old man said aloud at my local CVS drugstore. As he reached for the Cheerios off the shelf, our eyes met. "I'm down to one teaspoon in my coffee, instead of three. Heck, during WWII I was happy if the coffee was even hot." His eyes welled with tears. "I never used to cry, but I seem to cry all the time now," said the man I'd soon learn was called Frank. "That's good," I replied with a big smile, "it means you're normal and human." Frank returned the smile as he started to tell me more about his buddies in the service. I glanced at the milk I had just put into my cart, and thought about how much more needed to get done during this busy holiday season. When I looked up at Frank, our eyes connected once more, and my heart made a decision to be in the moment and enjoy the gift of conversation. Together in Aisle 9, I listened as he talked about his wartime experience, and the largest land battle ever fought by our country -- the Battle of the Bulge. "Do you know that there were over 70,000 American casualties during that battle alone?" "Yes, I do because my Dad was captured in that Battle, and became a Prisoner of War in Stalag 11B." Frank's eyes were alert when I shared the story of how Dad's frozen feet were saved thanks to the friendship he developed with Peter, the cook's 8-year-old son, during his brief hospital stay. The boy, who wanted to learn English, was drawn to my Dad's warmth, smile and playful nature. As a thank you for a full day of lessons, Peter brought Dad a bottle of schnapps the night before the German doctors were going to amputate his feet. Dad drank the liquor, massaged his feet all night through the intense pain and got enough circulation going to prevent the operation. Frank chuckled when I shared how Dad ended up playing professional football for the Detroit Lions and Philadelphia Eagles with those same feet! Our conversation went back and forth, and I lost all track of time. Eventually, it came to a natural close. Frank put out his hand, and warmly said, "Thank you for taking the time to talk with me." "It was my pleasure," I said, "but a handshake won't do. I want a big holiday hug!" As I held this sweet, dear man in my arms, I could feel his body shake as he can no longer hold back tears. As I took my warm milk to the check-out counter, I reflected on the incredible gift of perspective Frank had just given me. Who cared what didn't get done today?! I had the freedom and privilege to sleep in a warm bed tonight and enjoy a hot cup of coffee tomorrow. Plus, Frank reminded me of the one gift that's difficult to find, yet never requires wrapping- the gift of time. May you choose to give this incredible gift to those you love - including you. Reprinted with permission by Colette Carlson http://colettecarlson.com/must-give-gift-season/
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When families live far away from one another, the holidays may be the only opportunity that long-distance caregivers and family members have to personally observe older relatives. Family members who haven't seen their aging loved one since last year may be in for a shock at what they see and experience a natural desire to close one’s eyes, turn the other way, pretend like everything is as it used to be. With pregnancy, one has several months to prepare...longer if you are planning for it. But with seniors it’s different. The revelation that your parents are no longer the independent, capable people you have depended on your entire life often hits you unexpectedly. Of course you realize that they will eventually slow down and need some assistance. You are aware that you may be involved with that assistance. However, you cannot predict when that inconvenient truth will surface. You cannot predict, but you can prepare. Just as a pregnancy book can guide you through the stages of development, Next Step Senior Care Inc is here to be your guide through the stages of life's autumn years. What To Look For This Holiday SeasonBe aware of subtle, yet obvious changes in your loved one's emotional well-being. Take note for signs of depression that may include loss of interest in hobbies, sleep patterns, withdrawal from activities with others, lack of basic home maintenance or personal hygiene. Pay attention to their surroundings. Your loved one may have always been a neat freak, or a stickler for paying bills on time and you notice unsafe clutter, an overflowing hamper and piled up mail. Yes, you desire to give them respect as an adult, but part of that may now come in the form of YOU supporting them with some run-of-the-mill activities of daily living that are no longer easy tasks for them to accomplish. Pay close attention to the way your parent moves, and in particular how they walk. A reluctance to walk or obvious pain during movement can be a sign of joint or muscle problems or more serious afflictions. And if unsteady on their feet, they may be at risk of falling, a serious problem that can cause severe injury or worse. Weight loss is one of the obvious signs of declining health. The cause could be based on physical or emotional factors and sometimes medications. Low levels of energy will often result and cause them to no longer be capable of accomplishing some of their basic care needs. Notice how much water they consume daily. Dehydration, a serious condition for anyone, is often overlooked in the winter months. Encourage them to drink water and use the restroom frequently during the early parts of the day when they are more alert and often have more energy. This may help them to have less trips during the night. Bring your listening ears with you. Choose to not judge, react or criticize their current lifestyle circumstances. Take your time assessing and talking over what you see with other trusted friends or resources so you will be able to process this strange, new reality and respond appropriately, when the time is right. If you notice sudden odd behavior with your loved one, be sure to seek medical attention. There may be other areas of concern, specific to your family member. Should this year's holiday visit open your eyes to current and potential problems or negative changes in your parent's physical or emotional state, then it's time to... put a plan of action in place. |
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