Spending time with people that are perceived as different than us can be difficult. We oftentimes feel as if we have nothing in common with them and so we feel awkward and uncomfortable; we don’t want to waste our time and energies being there. Throughout the holiday season as you spend time with older family and friends, be prepared for the unexpected in regard to behavior and interactions based on how life and age affect us. It’s ALWAYS hard for us to be faced with seeing and interacting with decline in our loved ones. Our responses to the decline in our loved ones greatly impacts the way our children interact with them also. It’s our job to help them have a POSITIVE perception of aging, and of their elders. Our kids will mirror how we respond. This is an excellent opportunity to set the standard for their behavior with the elderly (they too will one day become elderly - as unimaginable as that may seem). This is crucial as these little children will be the ones responding to us when we are elderly (yes, you too will one day grow old)! Older adults need the life/livelihood of kids and teens just as the lives of youngsters are enhanced by interactions with their seniors. Help them enjoy these holiday visits by preempting some of the discomfort that they may feel. Prepare Them
Humanize Them
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. Mark Twain
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Dealing with cognitive impairment can bring out many strong emotions. As the disease progresses, caregiving issues can often ignite or magnify family conflicts. These strategies can help families cope with the situation together. Tips for Families Listen to each family member with respect
Discuss caregiving responsibilities
Continue to talk
Seek outside help If tensions and disagreements are ongoing, you may want to seek help from a trusted third party, such as a spiritual leader, mediator or counselor. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help everyone take a step back and work through the difficult issues. To schedule a Family Meeting or to get professional resource referrals, contact Next Step Senior Care Inc at info@nextstepsco.com, 949-573-8504. The content on this page is taken from https://www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-dementia-family-conflicts.asp
Now that you’re paying attention and looking for subtle and not-so-subtle changes in your aging loved one, you may be wondering, what’s “normal” and what’s not? How do you know the difference between typical “senior moments”, or mild cognitive impairment (MCI), and the early stages of dementia? Mild cognitive impairment (MCI) is defined by deficits in memory that do not significantly impact daily functioning. Memory problems may be minimal to mild and hardly noticeable to the individual. Writing reminders and taking notes allow a person to compensate for memory difficulties. To the untrained eye, the signs are not obvious, especially because people with good coping skills hide their frailties well.
Subtle Change in Short-Term Memory Your elderly relative may be able to remember years past, but not what they had for breakfast. Short-term memory loss includes forgetting where they left something, struggling to remember why they went into a particular room, or forgetting what they were supposed to do on any given day. Difficulty Finding the Right Words Struggling to communicate thoughts the way you want to, is beyond not being able to recollect a certain word. This may mean that a person can’t seem to explain things. They may reach for the right words, but just can’t seem to grasp them, and the words don’t “come to them” as they often do for others. Confusion Someone in the early stages of dementia may often show signs of confusion. When memory, thinking, or judgment lapses, confusion arises as your loved one can no longer remember faces, find the right words, or interact with people normally. Confusion can also be brought on by dehydration, urinary tract infections or drug interactions. Difficulty Following Storylines Just as finding and using the right words becomes difficult, people with dementia also sometimes forget the meanings of words they hear. Struggling to follow along with conversations or TV programs is a classic early warning sign. A Failing Sense of Direction Sense of direction and spatial orientation is a common function of thinking that starts to deteriorate with the onset of dementia. This can mean not recognizing once-familiar landmarks and forgetting regularly used directions. It also becomes more difficult to follow series of directions and step-by-step instructions. Being Repetitive You might notice your elderly parent or loved one repeat daily tasks like shaving or collecting items obsessively. They also may repeat the same questions in a conversation after you’ve already answered them. Struggling to Adapt to Change For someone in the early stages of dementia, the experience is frightening. Suddenly they can’t remember people they know or follow what others are saying. They can’t remember why they went to the store and get lost on the way home. Because of this, they might crave routine and not want to try new things. Schedule a Family Meeting
Together we discuss how to create an individualized plan of services that will best support your daily living needs. We're here to help. When families live far away from one another, the holidays may be the only opportunity that long-distance caregivers and family members have to personally observe older relatives. Family members who haven't seen their aging loved one since last year may be in for a shock at what they see and experience a natural desire to close one’s eyes, turn the other way, pretend like everything is as it used to be. With pregnancy, one has several months to prepare...longer if you are planning for it. But with seniors it’s different. The revelation that your parents are no longer the independent, capable people you have depended on your entire life often hits you unexpectedly. Of course you realize that they will eventually slow down and need some assistance. You are aware that you may be involved with that assistance. However, you cannot predict when that inconvenient truth will surface. You cannot predict, but you can prepare. Just as a pregnancy book can guide you through the stages of development, Next Step Senior Care Inc is here to be your guide through the stages of life's autumn years. What To Look For This Holiday SeasonBe aware of subtle, yet obvious changes in your loved one's emotional well-being. Take note for signs of depression that may include loss of interest in hobbies, sleep patterns, withdrawal from activities with others, lack of basic home maintenance or personal hygiene. Pay attention to their surroundings. Your loved one may have always been a neat freak, or a stickler for paying bills on time and you notice unsafe clutter, an overflowing hamper and piled up mail. Yes, you desire to give them respect as an adult, but part of that may now come in the form of YOU supporting them with some run-of-the-mill activities of daily living that are no longer easy tasks for them to accomplish. Pay close attention to the way your parent moves, and in particular how they walk. A reluctance to walk or obvious pain during movement can be a sign of joint or muscle problems or more serious afflictions. And if unsteady on their feet, they may be at risk of falling, a serious problem that can cause severe injury or worse. Weight loss is one of the obvious signs of declining health. The cause could be based on physical or emotional factors and sometimes medications. Low levels of energy will often result and cause them to no longer be capable of accomplishing some of their basic care needs. Notice how much water they consume daily. Dehydration, a serious condition for anyone, is often overlooked in the winter months. Encourage them to drink water and use the restroom frequently during the early parts of the day when they are more alert and often have more energy. This may help them to have less trips during the night. Bring your listening ears with you. Choose to not judge, react or criticize their current lifestyle circumstances. Take your time assessing and talking over what you see with other trusted friends or resources so you will be able to process this strange, new reality and respond appropriately, when the time is right. If you notice sudden odd behavior with your loved one, be sure to seek medical attention. There may be other areas of concern, specific to your family member. Should this year's holiday visit open your eyes to current and potential problems or negative changes in your parent's physical or emotional state, then it's time to... put a plan of action in place. How Important is it for us to raise our kids to embrace the elderly? To show love to that which is often considered by society as unlovely. Love releases power, strength, support, ingenuity, collaboration, hope, compassion, life, mercy, devotion, goodness..the miracle power of love. Recently, a friend of my mother's suggested she read The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace. When I heard about it, I was relieved to find a resource that would give insights into everyday living and interacting with a memory-impaired person. I was also thankful my local public library had a copy available. How we communicate with a memory-impaired person is so different from how we have been communicating for several years. Without understanding, it's easy to offend and be offended. This book thoroughly addresses the daily challenges of living with and caring for a person with Dementia, Alzheimers or other memory-impairment. Fortunately, I read it shortly after the diagnosis and am now able to enjoy time with my dad without becoming frustrated. -Melissa |
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