Spending time with people that are perceived as different than us can be difficult. We oftentimes feel as if we have nothing in common with them and so we feel awkward and uncomfortable; we don’t want to waste our time and energies being there. Throughout the holiday season as you spend time with older family and friends, be prepared for the unexpected in regard to behavior and interactions based on how life and age affect us. It’s ALWAYS hard for us to be faced with seeing and interacting with decline in our loved ones. Our responses to the decline in our loved ones greatly impacts the way our children interact with them also. It’s our job to help them have a POSITIVE perception of aging, and of their elders. Our kids will mirror how we respond. This is an excellent opportunity to set the standard for their behavior with the elderly (they too will one day become elderly - as unimaginable as that may seem). This is crucial as these little children will be the ones responding to us when we are elderly (yes, you too will one day grow old)! Older adults need the life/livelihood of kids and teens just as the lives of youngsters are enhanced by interactions with their seniors. Help them enjoy these holiday visits by preempting some of the discomfort that they may feel. Prepare Them
Humanize Them
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. Mark Twain
0 Comments
Dealing with cognitive impairment can bring out many strong emotions. As the disease progresses, caregiving issues can often ignite or magnify family conflicts. These strategies can help families cope with the situation together. Tips for Families Listen to each family member with respect
Discuss caregiving responsibilities
Continue to talk
Seek outside help If tensions and disagreements are ongoing, you may want to seek help from a trusted third party, such as a spiritual leader, mediator or counselor. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help everyone take a step back and work through the difficult issues. To schedule a Family Meeting or to get professional resource referrals, contact Next Step Senior Care Inc at info@nextstepsco.com, 949-573-8504. The content on this page is taken from https://www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-dementia-family-conflicts.asp
"Look at all the sugar in these cereals," the shrunken, 85-year old man said aloud at my local CVS drugstore. As he reached for the Cheerios off the shelf, our eyes met. "I'm down to one teaspoon in my coffee, instead of three. Heck, during WWII I was happy if the coffee was even hot." His eyes welled with tears. "I never used to cry, but I seem to cry all the time now," said the man I'd soon learn was called Frank. "That's good," I replied with a big smile, "it means you're normal and human." Frank returned the smile as he started to tell me more about his buddies in the service. I glanced at the milk I had just put into my cart, and thought about how much more needed to get done during this busy holiday season. When I looked up at Frank, our eyes connected once more, and my heart made a decision to be in the moment and enjoy the gift of conversation. Together in Aisle 9, I listened as he talked about his wartime experience, and the largest land battle ever fought by our country -- the Battle of the Bulge. "Do you know that there were over 70,000 American casualties during that battle alone?" "Yes, I do because my Dad was captured in that Battle, and became a Prisoner of War in Stalag 11B." Frank's eyes were alert when I shared the story of how Dad's frozen feet were saved thanks to the friendship he developed with Peter, the cook's 8-year-old son, during his brief hospital stay. The boy, who wanted to learn English, was drawn to my Dad's warmth, smile and playful nature. As a thank you for a full day of lessons, Peter brought Dad a bottle of schnapps the night before the German doctors were going to amputate his feet. Dad drank the liquor, massaged his feet all night through the intense pain and got enough circulation going to prevent the operation. Frank chuckled when I shared how Dad ended up playing professional football for the Detroit Lions and Philadelphia Eagles with those same feet! Our conversation went back and forth, and I lost all track of time. Eventually, it came to a natural close. Frank put out his hand, and warmly said, "Thank you for taking the time to talk with me." "It was my pleasure," I said, "but a handshake won't do. I want a big holiday hug!" As I held this sweet, dear man in my arms, I could feel his body shake as he can no longer hold back tears. As I took my warm milk to the check-out counter, I reflected on the incredible gift of perspective Frank had just given me. Who cared what didn't get done today?! I had the freedom and privilege to sleep in a warm bed tonight and enjoy a hot cup of coffee tomorrow. Plus, Frank reminded me of the one gift that's difficult to find, yet never requires wrapping- the gift of time. May you choose to give this incredible gift to those you love - including you. Reprinted with permission by Colette Carlson http://colettecarlson.com/must-give-gift-season/
Now that you’re paying attention and looking for subtle and not-so-subtle changes in your aging loved one, you may be wondering, what’s “normal” and what’s not? How do you know the difference between typical “senior moments”, or mild cognitive impairment (MCI), and the early stages of dementia? Mild cognitive impairment (MCI) is defined by deficits in memory that do not significantly impact daily functioning. Memory problems may be minimal to mild and hardly noticeable to the individual. Writing reminders and taking notes allow a person to compensate for memory difficulties. To the untrained eye, the signs are not obvious, especially because people with good coping skills hide their frailties well.
Subtle Change in Short-Term Memory Your elderly relative may be able to remember years past, but not what they had for breakfast. Short-term memory loss includes forgetting where they left something, struggling to remember why they went into a particular room, or forgetting what they were supposed to do on any given day. Difficulty Finding the Right Words Struggling to communicate thoughts the way you want to, is beyond not being able to recollect a certain word. This may mean that a person can’t seem to explain things. They may reach for the right words, but just can’t seem to grasp them, and the words don’t “come to them” as they often do for others. Confusion Someone in the early stages of dementia may often show signs of confusion. When memory, thinking, or judgment lapses, confusion arises as your loved one can no longer remember faces, find the right words, or interact with people normally. Confusion can also be brought on by dehydration, urinary tract infections or drug interactions. Difficulty Following Storylines Just as finding and using the right words becomes difficult, people with dementia also sometimes forget the meanings of words they hear. Struggling to follow along with conversations or TV programs is a classic early warning sign. A Failing Sense of Direction Sense of direction and spatial orientation is a common function of thinking that starts to deteriorate with the onset of dementia. This can mean not recognizing once-familiar landmarks and forgetting regularly used directions. It also becomes more difficult to follow series of directions and step-by-step instructions. Being Repetitive You might notice your elderly parent or loved one repeat daily tasks like shaving or collecting items obsessively. They also may repeat the same questions in a conversation after you’ve already answered them. Struggling to Adapt to Change For someone in the early stages of dementia, the experience is frightening. Suddenly they can’t remember people they know or follow what others are saying. They can’t remember why they went to the store and get lost on the way home. Because of this, they might crave routine and not want to try new things. Schedule a Family Meeting
Together we discuss how to create an individualized plan of services that will best support your daily living needs. We're here to help. When families live far away from one another, the holidays may be the only opportunity that long-distance caregivers and family members have to personally observe older relatives. Family members who haven't seen their aging loved one since last year may be in for a shock at what they see and experience a natural desire to close one’s eyes, turn the other way, pretend like everything is as it used to be. With pregnancy, one has several months to prepare...longer if you are planning for it. But with seniors it’s different. The revelation that your parents are no longer the independent, capable people you have depended on your entire life often hits you unexpectedly. Of course you realize that they will eventually slow down and need some assistance. You are aware that you may be involved with that assistance. However, you cannot predict when that inconvenient truth will surface. You cannot predict, but you can prepare. Just as a pregnancy book can guide you through the stages of development, Next Step Senior Care Inc is here to be your guide through the stages of life's autumn years. What To Look For This Holiday SeasonBe aware of subtle, yet obvious changes in your loved one's emotional well-being. Take note for signs of depression that may include loss of interest in hobbies, sleep patterns, withdrawal from activities with others, lack of basic home maintenance or personal hygiene. Pay attention to their surroundings. Your loved one may have always been a neat freak, or a stickler for paying bills on time and you notice unsafe clutter, an overflowing hamper and piled up mail. Yes, you desire to give them respect as an adult, but part of that may now come in the form of YOU supporting them with some run-of-the-mill activities of daily living that are no longer easy tasks for them to accomplish. Pay close attention to the way your parent moves, and in particular how they walk. A reluctance to walk or obvious pain during movement can be a sign of joint or muscle problems or more serious afflictions. And if unsteady on their feet, they may be at risk of falling, a serious problem that can cause severe injury or worse. Weight loss is one of the obvious signs of declining health. The cause could be based on physical or emotional factors and sometimes medications. Low levels of energy will often result and cause them to no longer be capable of accomplishing some of their basic care needs. Notice how much water they consume daily. Dehydration, a serious condition for anyone, is often overlooked in the winter months. Encourage them to drink water and use the restroom frequently during the early parts of the day when they are more alert and often have more energy. This may help them to have less trips during the night. Bring your listening ears with you. Choose to not judge, react or criticize their current lifestyle circumstances. Take your time assessing and talking over what you see with other trusted friends or resources so you will be able to process this strange, new reality and respond appropriately, when the time is right. If you notice sudden odd behavior with your loved one, be sure to seek medical attention. There may be other areas of concern, specific to your family member. Should this year's holiday visit open your eyes to current and potential problems or negative changes in your parent's physical or emotional state, then it's time to... put a plan of action in place. ...the HOLIDAYS. A word that stirs up various emotions about family, food, and fun. Spending time with family can be both joyous and heart-wrenching. It’s often because we position ourselves to be “schooled” in some way, shape or form. It’s called the School of Life and the class is usually titled ‘How You Have Grown (or Not) from the Last Encounter with Family.’ Regardless of the interactions, how are you going to be the best version of you that allows for maintaining good boundaries, but allows for you to show your care and support for each of the family and friends that you are gifted to spend time with. I love the lyrics from the Michael Jackson song “Man In The Mirror”, ‘If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.’ May you appreciate and release thanksgiving for the friends and family you have around you at this season. Make the choice to move into this holiday season with ‘Eyes Wide Open’. I encourage you to take the time to be the silent observer and check out what’s going on around you with your family and friends. There will be a plethora of little ways you can make your world, and someone else’s, a better place. Time is a gift that you can give to both yourself and to another person, your undivided attention. Take a few moments to engage in conversation to listen, support and encourage someone around you. (Note, I did not say enslave yourself to someone for a 45 minute monologue of their woes. Gracefully extract yourself after (10 minutes) and let them know you appreciated getting a chance to connect with them.) Give yourself the gift of time to sit, breathe deeply, nap, play in a way that brings you refreshment. As the relatives come out, choose awareness and assess how each person has changed from the last time you were with them… Be willing to ask yourself the harder questions: How is Aunt Sally is doing? What about my own parents; How are MY PARENTS doing? Dad’s been slowing down lately, do I really want to address his aging issues? If I don’t am I hiding my head in the sand and choosing to be in denial of the class we all have to take in the School of Life that most of us hate? Aging is inevitable and so is change? This season, don’t approach the holidays with your eyes wide shut. Family get-togethers are the ideal opportunity to open your eyes, your heart, and your mind to the changes in the abilities of your senior relatives. They need you to see what they can’t so that they can walk through life’s changes maintaining a feeling of safety, support and peace of mind. Click here to download our Checklist to Assess Daily Living Changes and move into the holidays with your ‘Eyes Wide Open’.
Strange? Unusual? Endearing? Fun? Most kids today tend to avoid people of an older generation. It's like a rule to think that adults are uncool. Well there is always an exception... Ever few years my mothers birthday, November 27th, would always land on Thanksgiving Day. This is that year. Sadly for us, she passed away on October 12, 2014. The four of us kids were able to be present with her at the time of her passing, 6:15am on a Sunday morning. I spent the last week with her on the earth loving her. After having spent the previous 9 years caring for my mother, I had moved my mother back up to northern California to live close to her other 3 children. Chrislaine, my middle sister, had taken on the role of primary caregiver and my mother was now living in a nursing home down the street from her house. Mom had been diagnosed with dementia at the age of 59. I was just 25 at the time and the reality of her imminent decline was surreal at first. She had been diagnosed with a brain tumor that was affecting her memory and emotions. A portion of the brain tumor was removed and the remaining portion,which was located in the brain stem region (too risky for the surgeon to operate on) was treated with radiation. One of the major side effects from the radiation was that it burned the fluid levels in her ears and she no longer had equilibrium and was now a fall risk. The realization that she was going to need regular support, someone to take care of her, was unimaginable at this stage in my life. I wanted her to hold off on needing help for at least another 15 years (thinking if she can wait til i’m old and in my 40’s - then I’ll be ready to care for her). I now consider someone in their 80’s to be young. I have also been able to realize that regardless of your age, whether you are a daughter, spouse, niece, grandson or neighbor taking care of an aging loved one is hard regardless of which role you play in their life. We decided that we are going to celebrate her again with lifetime family and friends from our growing up years. In honor of the beautiful Maud Grace Pamphile we will be having a party this Saturday evening, hosted at one of our neighbors homes who still lives across the street from our childhood home of 20+ years. Taking opportunities to remember all the goodness that she embodied with all of the good people she brought into our lives. We're gonna have fun celebrating and reminiscing and literaly strolling down memory lane.
|
Details
Archives
February 2023
|