Now that you’re paying attention and looking for subtle and not-so-subtle changes in your aging loved one, you may be wondering, what’s “normal” and what’s not? How do you know the difference between typical “senior moments”, or mild cognitive impairment (MCI), and the early stages of dementia? Mild cognitive impairment (MCI) is defined by deficits in memory that do not significantly impact daily functioning. Memory problems may be minimal to mild and hardly noticeable to the individual. Writing reminders and taking notes allow a person to compensate for memory difficulties. To the untrained eye, the signs are not obvious, especially because people with good coping skills hide their frailties well.
Subtle Change in Short-Term Memory Your elderly relative may be able to remember years past, but not what they had for breakfast. Short-term memory loss includes forgetting where they left something, struggling to remember why they went into a particular room, or forgetting what they were supposed to do on any given day. Difficulty Finding the Right Words Struggling to communicate thoughts the way you want to, is beyond not being able to recollect a certain word. This may mean that a person can’t seem to explain things. They may reach for the right words, but just can’t seem to grasp them, and the words don’t “come to them” as they often do for others. Confusion Someone in the early stages of dementia may often show signs of confusion. When memory, thinking, or judgment lapses, confusion arises as your loved one can no longer remember faces, find the right words, or interact with people normally. Confusion can also be brought on by dehydration, urinary tract infections or drug interactions. Difficulty Following Storylines Just as finding and using the right words becomes difficult, people with dementia also sometimes forget the meanings of words they hear. Struggling to follow along with conversations or TV programs is a classic early warning sign. A Failing Sense of Direction Sense of direction and spatial orientation is a common function of thinking that starts to deteriorate with the onset of dementia. This can mean not recognizing once-familiar landmarks and forgetting regularly used directions. It also becomes more difficult to follow series of directions and step-by-step instructions. Being Repetitive You might notice your elderly parent or loved one repeat daily tasks like shaving or collecting items obsessively. They also may repeat the same questions in a conversation after you’ve already answered them. Struggling to Adapt to Change For someone in the early stages of dementia, the experience is frightening. Suddenly they can’t remember people they know or follow what others are saying. They can’t remember why they went to the store and get lost on the way home. Because of this, they might crave routine and not want to try new things. Schedule a Family Meeting
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...the HOLIDAYS. A word that stirs up various emotions about family, food, and fun. Spending time with family can be both joyous and heart-wrenching. It’s often because we position ourselves to be “schooled” in some way, shape or form. It’s called the School of Life and the class is usually titled ‘How You Have Grown (or Not) from the Last Encounter with Family.’ Regardless of the interactions, how are you going to be the best version of you that allows for maintaining good boundaries, but allows for you to show your care and support for each of the family and friends that you are gifted to spend time with. I love the lyrics from the Michael Jackson song “Man In The Mirror”, ‘If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.’ May you appreciate and release thanksgiving for the friends and family you have around you at this season. Make the choice to move into this holiday season with ‘Eyes Wide Open’. I encourage you to take the time to be the silent observer and check out what’s going on around you with your family and friends. There will be a plethora of little ways you can make your world, and someone else’s, a better place. Time is a gift that you can give to both yourself and to another person, your undivided attention. Take a few moments to engage in conversation to listen, support and encourage someone around you. (Note, I did not say enslave yourself to someone for a 45 minute monologue of their woes. Gracefully extract yourself after (10 minutes) and let them know you appreciated getting a chance to connect with them.) Give yourself the gift of time to sit, breathe deeply, nap, play in a way that brings you refreshment. As the relatives come out, choose awareness and assess how each person has changed from the last time you were with them… Be willing to ask yourself the harder questions: How is Aunt Sally is doing? What about my own parents; How are MY PARENTS doing? Dad’s been slowing down lately, do I really want to address his aging issues? If I don’t am I hiding my head in the sand and choosing to be in denial of the class we all have to take in the School of Life that most of us hate? Aging is inevitable and so is change? This season, don’t approach the holidays with your eyes wide shut. Family get-togethers are the ideal opportunity to open your eyes, your heart, and your mind to the changes in the abilities of your senior relatives. They need you to see what they can’t so that they can walk through life’s changes maintaining a feeling of safety, support and peace of mind. Click here to download our Checklist to Assess Daily Living Changes and move into the holidays with your ‘Eyes Wide Open’.
In 1983, President Ronald Reagan designated November as National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month . At the time, fewer than 2 million Americans had Alzheimer’s. Today, the number of people with the disease has soared to over 5 million; 1 in 10 adults are caring for someone with Alzheimer's and accounting for approximately 18 billion hours of unpaid care. This November, join us during National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month by showing the Power of Purple. There are many ways you can get involved:
For Alzheimer's and Caregiving resources, visit our Resources & Support Services page and The Alzheimer's Association website
Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 10. You talk too much -- instead try taking my hand and leading the way. I need a guide not a person to nag me all the time. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 9. Sometimes you talk to me like I am a child or an idiot. How would you like it if I did that to you? Go to your room and think about this. Don't come back and tell me you are sorry, I won't know what you are talking about. Just stop doing it and we will get along very well, and probably better than you think. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 8. My attention span and ability to pay attention are not as good as they once were, please make eye contact with me before you start talking. A nice smile always gets my attention. Did I mention that before? Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 7. Make sure you have my attention before you start blabbering away. What is going to happen if you start blabbering away and you don't have my attention, or confuse me? I am going to say No - count on it. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 6. Slow down. And don't sneak up on me and start talking. Did I tell you I like smiles? Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 5. You know what I am going to say if you go off into long winded explanations on why we should do something? I am going to say No, because I can never be certain if you are asking me to do something I like, or drink a bottle of castor oil. So I'll just say No to be safe. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 4. Please try to understand and remember it is my short term memory, my right now memory, that is gone -- don't talk so fast, or use so many words. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 3. Instead of getting all bent out of shape when I do something that seems perfectly normal to me, and perfectly nutty to you, why not just smile at me? It will take the edge off the situation all the way around. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 2. Did you ever consider this? When you get tense and uptight it makes me feel tense and uptight. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 1. You know what makes me feel safe, secure, and happy? A smile. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Something has shifted with my dad. Maybe it’s the change in medication or perhaps he’s just gotten used to his “new normal” and accepted the vascular dementia and his declining health. Whatever the reason, the shift is good. He and I both look forward to our Wednesdays together. It’s a routine our family established almost two years ago, after dad had a stroke, to give my parents a break from each other for the day. The demands of full-time care-giving and loss of independence has been an adjustment for all of us. And now, dad is more expressive about it. The Shift that I’m referring to is most obvious in our communication. Dad is chattier now and initiating conversation, to the point of sharing secrets. Since the dementia affects random parts of his short-term memory, most of our time is spent reminiscing. Two weeks ago, he surprised me by telling the stories I had not heard, the stories that parents have from their teenage years that they don’t generally share with their kids. Just as he was getting to the good part, my mom walked in. He turned to me and quietly said, “to be continued…”. I must admit I was disappointed because he might not remember the story the following week. I was delighted when he did. The following week, I prompted him about the previous conversation and he picked up where we left off. Then he asked to hear my stories. What story do I tell? He’s known me my entire life and since I’m a “rule-follower”, I don’t have anything interesting to offer back. Not true. The reality is, most of us don’t really know each other. We spend the majority of our time being busy in the midst of each other’s presence but how often do we really share what we’re thinking and feeling? It’s different with a senior. Seniors, in general, have much more time on their hands, they genuinely enjoy sharing stories (and perhaps secrets!), and they did not grow up in an electronic society where information moves so quickly. They are less concerned about “doing” and more focused on “being”. Slowing down and spending a few hours with an elderly person will, in most cases, be a rich blessing to you both. Spending time with them on a regular basis will change your life in positive ways you can’t yet understand. How Important is it for us to raise our kids to embrace the elderly? To show love to that which is often considered by society as unlovely. Love releases power, strength, support, ingenuity, collaboration, hope, compassion, life, mercy, devotion, goodness..the miracle power of love. Recently, a friend of my mother's suggested she read The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace. When I heard about it, I was relieved to find a resource that would give insights into everyday living and interacting with a memory-impaired person. I was also thankful my local public library had a copy available. How we communicate with a memory-impaired person is so different from how we have been communicating for several years. Without understanding, it's easy to offend and be offended. This book thoroughly addresses the daily challenges of living with and caring for a person with Dementia, Alzheimers or other memory-impairment. Fortunately, I read it shortly after the diagnosis and am now able to enjoy time with my dad without becoming frustrated. -Melissa 2/6/2015 Book Review - When a Family Member Has Dementia - Steps to Becoming a Resilient Caregiver by Susan McCurryRead NowWhile at the library looking for books about dementia, I came across a title that hit home, When a Family Member Has Dementia-Steps to Becoming A Resilient Caregiver by Susan McCurry. Unlike other books that focus on the memory-impaired person, this book focuses on the caregiver and begins with section one being titled, The Problem: Dementia Caregiving is Hard! The problem is addressed in section two, The Program: Learning the Dementia D.A.N.C.E. The author cleverly summarizes the new way of communicating with the metaphor of dancing and the easy-to-remember acronym. D= Don't Argue!, A=Accept the Disease, N=Nurture Yourself, C=Create Novel Solutions, E=Enjoy the Moment. The book concludes with section three, The Promise: You Can Do It! and caregiver resources. Now that I know "the dance", my family and I are not getting our toes stepped on as often as before. -Melissa Ryan Ever few years my mothers birthday, November 27th, would always land on Thanksgiving Day. This is that year. Sadly for us, she passed away on October 12, 2014. The four of us kids were able to be present with her at the time of her passing, 6:15am on a Sunday morning. I spent the last week with her on the earth loving her. After having spent the previous 9 years caring for my mother, I had moved my mother back up to northern California to live close to her other 3 children. Chrislaine, my middle sister, had taken on the role of primary caregiver and my mother was now living in a nursing home down the street from her house. Mom had been diagnosed with dementia at the age of 59. I was just 25 at the time and the reality of her imminent decline was surreal at first. She had been diagnosed with a brain tumor that was affecting her memory and emotions. A portion of the brain tumor was removed and the remaining portion,which was located in the brain stem region (too risky for the surgeon to operate on) was treated with radiation. One of the major side effects from the radiation was that it burned the fluid levels in her ears and she no longer had equilibrium and was now a fall risk. The realization that she was going to need regular support, someone to take care of her, was unimaginable at this stage in my life. I wanted her to hold off on needing help for at least another 15 years (thinking if she can wait til i’m old and in my 40’s - then I’ll be ready to care for her). I now consider someone in their 80’s to be young. I have also been able to realize that regardless of your age, whether you are a daughter, spouse, niece, grandson or neighbor taking care of an aging loved one is hard regardless of which role you play in their life. We decided that we are going to celebrate her again with lifetime family and friends from our growing up years. In honor of the beautiful Maud Grace Pamphile we will be having a party this Saturday evening, hosted at one of our neighbors homes who still lives across the street from our childhood home of 20+ years. Taking opportunities to remember all the goodness that she embodied with all of the good people she brought into our lives. We're gonna have fun celebrating and reminiscing and literaly strolling down memory lane.
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