Dealing with cognitive impairment can bring out many strong emotions. As the disease progresses, caregiving issues can often ignite or magnify family conflicts. These strategies can help families cope with the situation together. Tips for Families Listen to each family member with respect
Discuss caregiving responsibilities
Continue to talk
Seek outside help If tensions and disagreements are ongoing, you may want to seek help from a trusted third party, such as a spiritual leader, mediator or counselor. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help everyone take a step back and work through the difficult issues. To schedule a Family Meeting or to get professional resource referrals, contact Next Step Senior Care Inc at info@nextstepsco.com, 949-573-8504. The content on this page is taken from https://www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-dementia-family-conflicts.asp
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"Look at all the sugar in these cereals," the shrunken, 85-year old man said aloud at my local CVS drugstore. As he reached for the Cheerios off the shelf, our eyes met. "I'm down to one teaspoon in my coffee, instead of three. Heck, during WWII I was happy if the coffee was even hot." His eyes welled with tears. "I never used to cry, but I seem to cry all the time now," said the man I'd soon learn was called Frank. "That's good," I replied with a big smile, "it means you're normal and human." Frank returned the smile as he started to tell me more about his buddies in the service. I glanced at the milk I had just put into my cart, and thought about how much more needed to get done during this busy holiday season. When I looked up at Frank, our eyes connected once more, and my heart made a decision to be in the moment and enjoy the gift of conversation. Together in Aisle 9, I listened as he talked about his wartime experience, and the largest land battle ever fought by our country -- the Battle of the Bulge. "Do you know that there were over 70,000 American casualties during that battle alone?" "Yes, I do because my Dad was captured in that Battle, and became a Prisoner of War in Stalag 11B." Frank's eyes were alert when I shared the story of how Dad's frozen feet were saved thanks to the friendship he developed with Peter, the cook's 8-year-old son, during his brief hospital stay. The boy, who wanted to learn English, was drawn to my Dad's warmth, smile and playful nature. As a thank you for a full day of lessons, Peter brought Dad a bottle of schnapps the night before the German doctors were going to amputate his feet. Dad drank the liquor, massaged his feet all night through the intense pain and got enough circulation going to prevent the operation. Frank chuckled when I shared how Dad ended up playing professional football for the Detroit Lions and Philadelphia Eagles with those same feet! Our conversation went back and forth, and I lost all track of time. Eventually, it came to a natural close. Frank put out his hand, and warmly said, "Thank you for taking the time to talk with me." "It was my pleasure," I said, "but a handshake won't do. I want a big holiday hug!" As I held this sweet, dear man in my arms, I could feel his body shake as he can no longer hold back tears. As I took my warm milk to the check-out counter, I reflected on the incredible gift of perspective Frank had just given me. Who cared what didn't get done today?! I had the freedom and privilege to sleep in a warm bed tonight and enjoy a hot cup of coffee tomorrow. Plus, Frank reminded me of the one gift that's difficult to find, yet never requires wrapping- the gift of time. May you choose to give this incredible gift to those you love - including you. Reprinted with permission by Colette Carlson http://colettecarlson.com/must-give-gift-season/
Now that you’re paying attention and looking for subtle and not-so-subtle changes in your aging loved one, you may be wondering, what’s “normal” and what’s not? How do you know the difference between typical “senior moments”, or mild cognitive impairment (MCI), and the early stages of dementia? Mild cognitive impairment (MCI) is defined by deficits in memory that do not significantly impact daily functioning. Memory problems may be minimal to mild and hardly noticeable to the individual. Writing reminders and taking notes allow a person to compensate for memory difficulties. To the untrained eye, the signs are not obvious, especially because people with good coping skills hide their frailties well.
Subtle Change in Short-Term Memory Your elderly relative may be able to remember years past, but not what they had for breakfast. Short-term memory loss includes forgetting where they left something, struggling to remember why they went into a particular room, or forgetting what they were supposed to do on any given day. Difficulty Finding the Right Words Struggling to communicate thoughts the way you want to, is beyond not being able to recollect a certain word. This may mean that a person can’t seem to explain things. They may reach for the right words, but just can’t seem to grasp them, and the words don’t “come to them” as they often do for others. Confusion Someone in the early stages of dementia may often show signs of confusion. When memory, thinking, or judgment lapses, confusion arises as your loved one can no longer remember faces, find the right words, or interact with people normally. Confusion can also be brought on by dehydration, urinary tract infections or drug interactions. Difficulty Following Storylines Just as finding and using the right words becomes difficult, people with dementia also sometimes forget the meanings of words they hear. Struggling to follow along with conversations or TV programs is a classic early warning sign. A Failing Sense of Direction Sense of direction and spatial orientation is a common function of thinking that starts to deteriorate with the onset of dementia. This can mean not recognizing once-familiar landmarks and forgetting regularly used directions. It also becomes more difficult to follow series of directions and step-by-step instructions. Being Repetitive You might notice your elderly parent or loved one repeat daily tasks like shaving or collecting items obsessively. They also may repeat the same questions in a conversation after you’ve already answered them. Struggling to Adapt to Change For someone in the early stages of dementia, the experience is frightening. Suddenly they can’t remember people they know or follow what others are saying. They can’t remember why they went to the store and get lost on the way home. Because of this, they might crave routine and not want to try new things. Schedule a Family Meeting
Together we discuss how to create an individualized plan of services that will best support your daily living needs. We're here to help. ...the HOLIDAYS. A word that stirs up various emotions about family, food, and fun. Spending time with family can be both joyous and heart-wrenching. It’s often because we position ourselves to be “schooled” in some way, shape or form. It’s called the School of Life and the class is usually titled ‘How You Have Grown (or Not) from the Last Encounter with Family.’ Regardless of the interactions, how are you going to be the best version of you that allows for maintaining good boundaries, but allows for you to show your care and support for each of the family and friends that you are gifted to spend time with. I love the lyrics from the Michael Jackson song “Man In The Mirror”, ‘If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.’ May you appreciate and release thanksgiving for the friends and family you have around you at this season. Make the choice to move into this holiday season with ‘Eyes Wide Open’. I encourage you to take the time to be the silent observer and check out what’s going on around you with your family and friends. There will be a plethora of little ways you can make your world, and someone else’s, a better place. Time is a gift that you can give to both yourself and to another person, your undivided attention. Take a few moments to engage in conversation to listen, support and encourage someone around you. (Note, I did not say enslave yourself to someone for a 45 minute monologue of their woes. Gracefully extract yourself after (10 minutes) and let them know you appreciated getting a chance to connect with them.) Give yourself the gift of time to sit, breathe deeply, nap, play in a way that brings you refreshment. As the relatives come out, choose awareness and assess how each person has changed from the last time you were with them… Be willing to ask yourself the harder questions: How is Aunt Sally is doing? What about my own parents; How are MY PARENTS doing? Dad’s been slowing down lately, do I really want to address his aging issues? If I don’t am I hiding my head in the sand and choosing to be in denial of the class we all have to take in the School of Life that most of us hate? Aging is inevitable and so is change? This season, don’t approach the holidays with your eyes wide shut. Family get-togethers are the ideal opportunity to open your eyes, your heart, and your mind to the changes in the abilities of your senior relatives. They need you to see what they can’t so that they can walk through life’s changes maintaining a feeling of safety, support and peace of mind. Click here to download our Checklist to Assess Daily Living Changes and move into the holidays with your ‘Eyes Wide Open’.
In the United States, there are more than 65 million people providing care for chronically ill, disabled or aged family members or friends during any given year.Those 65 million people spend 20 hours a week providing that care.That care is valued at $375 billion a year, which is almost twice as much as is spent on homecare and nursing home services combined. As family caregivers ourselves, we know how difficult this labor of love is. That is why we work with seniors and their families who want to make
We know "It Takes a Village" ... 10 Tips for Family Caregivers
For additional resources to support the family caregiver and their loved ones, click here. Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 10. You talk too much -- instead try taking my hand and leading the way. I need a guide not a person to nag me all the time. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 9. Sometimes you talk to me like I am a child or an idiot. How would you like it if I did that to you? Go to your room and think about this. Don't come back and tell me you are sorry, I won't know what you are talking about. Just stop doing it and we will get along very well, and probably better than you think. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 8. My attention span and ability to pay attention are not as good as they once were, please make eye contact with me before you start talking. A nice smile always gets my attention. Did I mention that before? Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 7. Make sure you have my attention before you start blabbering away. What is going to happen if you start blabbering away and you don't have my attention, or confuse me? I am going to say No - count on it. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 6. Slow down. And don't sneak up on me and start talking. Did I tell you I like smiles? Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 4. Please try to understand and remember it is my short term memory, my right now memory, that is gone -- don't talk so fast, or use so many words. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 3. Instead of getting all bent out of shape when I do something that seems perfectly normal to me, and perfectly nutty to you, why not just smile at me? It will take the edge off the situation all the way around. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ Dotty had dementia. Her words of wisdom apply to all styles of communication but are especially helpful when speaking to a person with dementia. Try these tips to improve your relationships. 2. Did you ever consider this? When you get tense and uptight it makes me feel tense and uptight. Dotty went to Heaven on May 25, 2012.
We found her tips at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ How Important is it for us to raise our kids to embrace the elderly? To show love to that which is often considered by society as unlovely. Love releases power, strength, support, ingenuity, collaboration, hope, compassion, life, mercy, devotion, goodness..the miracle power of love. Recently, a friend of my mother's suggested she read The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace. When I heard about it, I was relieved to find a resource that would give insights into everyday living and interacting with a memory-impaired person. I was also thankful my local public library had a copy available. How we communicate with a memory-impaired person is so different from how we have been communicating for several years. Without understanding, it's easy to offend and be offended. This book thoroughly addresses the daily challenges of living with and caring for a person with Dementia, Alzheimers or other memory-impairment. Fortunately, I read it shortly after the diagnosis and am now able to enjoy time with my dad without becoming frustrated. -Melissa |
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